False Alarm

The universe really is trying to affect this story. I think it’s because so many people are interested in it. Of everything I’ve written this is the one topic that people are asking me about in person when I see them. Its amazing in some ways. Why don’t you all respond when I write about politics??

Anyway, all this interest is making random events seem commonplace. I think it’s a collective energy thing of some sort. I will leave that up to new age experts to decipher.

The reason I say this is that I got on the subway again yesterday at a totally different time than the other day and the girl from Monday was standing there in the doorway. How is this possible?

So I stand there across from her. Directly across from her and she doesn’t even see me at all. As if she didn’t recognize me at all. As in, it’s not the elevator girl! I am fairly certain of this. I mean I spent like 10 minutes essentially face to face with her.

My belief is that she ended up there purely to show me that she wasn’t the girl I was pursuing. Of course also so that I would be able to give you all another chapter in this little story.

I will keep you posted. And yes, when and if I see this woman in my building I am going to totally ask her out so don’t fear that…

3 strikes and you’re out buddy.

I think I made another mistake. You tell me…

Every day now I spend a few extra minutes in the lobby of my building. I let a few elevators pass as I hope that this girl will show up again. But I’ve been starting to give up hope. Whatever random fate that connected us those two times is all used up.

And then comes yesterday.

After spending 5 minutes checking my phone out in front of my building I finally give up and head home. I’m thinking to myself as I walk : “wow, I just have to forget this girl and let things happen naturally.. if I meet her I meet her..”. I go to the post office, head down to the subway and get on the last car (which I usually don’t do since it doesn’t line up with the stairs at my stop, but I do it anyway for some unknown reason).

Sure enough I look around the car when I get on and sitting there in the back row of my section is a girl who I think is the girl from my building! Now of course I don’t stare and I turn around and face the front but I can see her in a reflection. Is that her? Am I imagining that it’s her? It can’t be her.

I ponder missing my stop so I can see where she gets off. I think about getting up, walking back to her and saying something really brilliant like “Don’t you work at 18th and Arch?”. I debate all of these things and of course, I do nothing, frozen in this indecision.

Finally I decide it’s not her and I get up at my stop to get off and sure enough, she does too. We get off and start walking and I’m certain she glances back at me. Instead of thinking “Yes, that’s her and she knows its me and she wants me to come over and say hello” I think “She doesn’t know me and is creeped out that I looked at her a couple of times and is wondering if I’m following her.”.

We continue along and she goes down onto another platform to another train and its then that I realize that it really was her. For the 3rd time, completely at random, she was placed into my life and again I failed to act.

Was this my 3rd strike?

Made up for the Fuck Up


Well, it turns out as luck would have it that I got on the elevator today after lunch and guess what? That girl was there too.. So she does work in the building!

We got on, she was texting so I just stood there, frozen again. Wondering if I should ask her ‘hey did you know this building was haunted?’ (credit Matt).. I knew I had to do something but I was stuck. Finally I noticed her texting style.. one finger, sliding around the phone.. ahh! Swipe! An opening finally!

“Are you swiping?” .. best opening line ever right?

This led to a tiny conversation about android and swiping and then the doors opened to her floor. She didn’t jump off right away but instead held the doors to finish up and say goodbye.. This was all good. Words have been spoken. Smiles traded.

Now friends.. this is the last you will hear of this since if I do meet her I will surely give her my card and you know will lead her here.. I wonder if I should delete these messages.. hmn..

Mood

Wow. I really am in a strange place. Ever since my surgery I’ve really been in this odd depressed state. I’m not that bad with this cloud hanging over my head, but I’m not being who I want to be at all. I’m way less productive and I’m questioning everything all the time.

I started taking some SSRI’s about a month ago and I’m not sure I’m happy with them at all. In general I hate taking any drugs because I really don’t like side effects. So far these pills are mostly benign but I do know I’m on them. I can feel it. My muscles are a bit more tense and I have this need to stretch them out and jitter a bit. My sleep is way off, I’m lighter when asleep so I wake up at least once a night. I often feel a bit speedy but not enough to really have it make me crazy.. just enough to feel like I’m on something and it needs to turn off now… please.. And I’m fatigued often. I find myself closing my eyes and sighing and just wanting to go to sleep wherever I am.

But I’m sticking it out for now. Maybe another month. We’ll see.

The problem lately is that I continually find myself doing absolutely nothing. I sit at work sometimes and find myself blowing 15-20 minutes at a time just clicking from tab to tab on my web browser or staring at my desk in space. Is this the drugs? Is this just me being bored and unhappy at work? Who knows anymore, but it’s really depressing me because I like to be productive. I like to feel like I did more than just earning my pay.

UUUUGH. I need to get back to being the person I know I am. This is so fucking annoying.

Work

I started a new job a little more than a month ago and I wanted to update you on it and how it’s affecting my life (since it’s obviously affecting the quantity and quality of posts here). My new job is really cool. I’m challenged and I’m learning and I’m problem solving and all in all having a nice time. On the other hand, my new job has decimated life as I knew it.

See. Up until I took this job I had been working at home. Besides the usual perks (not having to get dressed up, setting my own hours, etc.) working at home meant that I had the freedom to actually enjoy my life. To me, and I’m sure to others, working is a means to an end. You work to make money to be able to enjoy your life outside of work. For most people, that concept is just a dream. They commute and they work and they end up with 2-3 hours of non-scheduled time per day. That time is used up going to the post office, the supermarket, etc. Generally people work for the weekend. Their weeddays are a wash.

When I was working at home I was super productive. I got all my work stuff done and was relaxed enough to handle the day to day (non-work) things in my life as well. I felt at peace. I felt like I was actually realizing what my life was all about. I was enjoying my job and life at the same time. They had somehow mixed in with each other.

But now, and before I was working at home, there is no ‘me-time’, everything is about work from the moment I wake up in the morning until the moment I get home. Interestingly I’m feeling depressed while at the same time quite happy with my work. I don’t know what to say or do about this other than to wait it out and see what happens. But for now, the blog.. I’m sorry, it’s low on my list sometimes.

Going Away

Been a quiet week for me in terms of blogging and I apologise.. I just haven’t been at my pc much and with my new job, I don’t have any time at all for personal stuff.. Maybe I’ll find my rhythm.. I’m certainly trying! Anyway I’m off to the shore for the weekend.. have a good one everyone.

Welcome

Hello and welcome to my new home. I’ve moved the blog to WordPress and a remote server. The layout will change when I get time but as you can see, I’ve imported most of the old content (the photos didn’t make it).  I’m adding categories to make accessing stuff easier, all of the old posts are in the category ‘old’. Feel free to poke around, changes will be occuring gradually.. if you miss something from the old blog, it’s going to stay up, but I’m only going to post here for now.