Wow. I really am in a strange place. Ever since my surgery I’ve really been in this odd depressed state. I’m not that bad with this cloud hanging over my head, but I’m not being who I want to be at all. I’m way less productive and I’m questioning everything all the time.

I started taking some SSRI’s about a month ago and I’m not sure I’m happy with them at all. In general I hate taking any drugs because I really don’t like side effects. So far these pills are mostly benign but I do know I’m on them. I can feel it. My muscles are a bit more tense and I have this need to stretch them out and jitter a bit. My sleep is way off, I’m lighter when asleep so I wake up at least once a night. I often feel a bit speedy but not enough to really have it make me crazy.. just enough to feel like I’m on something and it needs to turn off now… please.. And I’m fatigued often. I find myself closing my eyes and sighing and just wanting to go to sleep wherever I am.

But I’m sticking it out for now. Maybe another month. We’ll see.

The problem lately is that I continually find myself doing absolutely nothing. I sit at work sometimes and find myself blowing 15-20 minutes at a time just clicking from tab to tab on my web browser or staring at my desk in space. Is this the drugs? Is this just me being bored and unhappy at work? Who knows anymore, but it’s really depressing me because I like to be productive. I like to feel like I did more than just earning my pay.

UUUUGH. I need to get back to being the person I know I am. This is so fucking annoying.

Apple and Slavery

This weekend on there was a particularly good article about Apple and the production of their products. Ignoring the insane number of ads in the article, pay particular attention to the section about the Chinese manufacturing (starts about page 5). This is what I was talking about when I told you about the Mike Daisy show in NYC called “The Agony and Ecstasy of Steve Jobs“. The working conditions in China are deplorable. Everything is made by hand and there are thousands of workers there. Apple knows about this and yet they still continue to allow the conditions to continue. This is something to think about next time you say how wonderful a company Apple is.

Workers at Longhua and other Foxconn plants in China work under grueling conditions – usually 10 to 12 hours a day, sometimes for seven days straight without overtime pay. They’re not allowed to speak to one another on the job or to leave their workstations – not even to go to the bathroom – without permission from guards. Some of them perform repetitive tasks for up to 10 hours at a time without a break. Supervisors berate workers with foul language and warn that if they fall behind on production they will be replaced. Some have reportedly been beaten for mistakes they allegedly made on the assembly line. For all this they earn a little more than a dollar an hour at most.

Sorry Barack. I will not be voting for you in 2012

“I want to be very clear in calling upon the Egyptian authorities to refrain from any violence against peaceful protesters.

The people of Egypt have rights that are universal. That includes the right to peaceful assembly and association, the right to free speech, and the ability to determine their own destiny. These are human rights. And the United States will stand up for them everywhere.”

Barack Oabma

The fact that he hasn’t said something about what’s going on in our own country : see UC Davis for the most recent example, is the last straw and why I will NOT vote for him in 2012. Sorry bud.

do something!

It’s interesting that the last post I wrote was about how I thought the NYPD was doing a great job with OWS and now today I’m writing because that same police force just kicked the protestors out of their home base last night. But my point is the same: I think they went about it in a very civil and fair way. This wasn’t Oakland with tear gas and rubber bullets. This was slow and methodical and restrained. And lets be clear, the police weren’t acting on their own here. This was all due to orders from the mayor. If you’re going to be mad at anyone it should be him.

But this post really isn’t about the New York situation. It’s more about my feelings about this entire situation including the Occupy Philly group (who I see every day and who is heading towards their own confrontation with authority). It’s about my anger at the local media who do their best not to cover the movement or when they do, they cover it with a bias. It’s about my utter despair with the fact that almost nobody I know even cares about what is going on, as if we aren’t at a historic moment right now. As if the Declaration of Independence was being drafted and other than the people at Independence Hall, nobody gave a shit.

I don’t know if the Occupiers are doing the right thing. I’ve complained a lot about their strategy and tactics over the past few months. I’ve debated with myself a lot about what I could do to participate and what we all should do and I haven’t come up with a good answer. But what I have figured out is that at the least, the Occupy Movement could be a catalyst, a starting point for change in America. We all agree that things are messed up. Everyone I talk to has some complaint about something wrong in America (and the world) but everyone always just accepts that things are fucked up and we can’t fix them. And that’s what’s bothering me the most lately. We do have a way to fix things but yet for the most part we don’t even try.

It starts with paying attention. If you woke up today and didn’t find some real news to ingest then you’ve failed yourself and your country. I was watching someone on the bus today reading the Daily News and do you know what story they were reading on page 3? It was a full page story on how Chelsea Clinton got a job at NBC. That, my friends, is not news. It’s not important. It’s filler, its soma, its bullshit to keep you distracted from what’s really going on. Every day you should be seeking out real news from around the world. Watch documentaries, follow blogs, find the most non-biased mainstream media you can. Pay attention to what is really going on and shun bullshit.

The next step (if you want to actually do something to change the world) is to share your news and maybe comment on it. Post an interesting story on facebook or twitter, share what you are learning. Talk about real things from time to time with your friends or co-workers. Teach and educate each other. We have all these tools now to communicate and yet we don’t. This makes me insane some mornings. Sure it’s cool and fun and even fulfilling to post about what’s going on in your life, but use your social stream to educate a little bit too.

Then you move to support. Support movements and groups that are doing things you agree with. You don’t need to use money, in fact, oftentimes it’s better you go out and volunteer your time instead. Or better yet, do both! Change only happens when people demand it. These occupiers are doing it and we’re essentially laughing at them. Can’t you see how wrong that is?

I really urge you all to take a minute to participate in making our world a better place. And most of you aren’t doing that. By simply living your life, and riding the roller coaster, you’re just being a sheep. You don’t need to be a great leader or anything, just be aware of what’s going on and try to be part of the solution.